Whenever I tell people I teach meditation, the first thing I hear is “Oh, I cannot meditate. My mind goes everywhere!”
I love this answer because within this exact response is the practice.
What gets in the way of our meditation practice is not that our minds think - that’s what the mind does! What gets in the way of our meditation practice is believing that our mind is supposed to stop thinking. There is a difference between having a meditative focus—the mind of a monk—and having no thoughts. The difference is the meditative focus is trained by the practice of working with the inner workings of the mind, not fighting it. The beautiful truth is that, the more distracted you are, the more opportunity you have to strengthen your internal awareness. This is how the meditative focus is trained.
The truth is, sitting with the restlessness can be very uncomfortable.
It’s why we struggle to let ourselves rest before our to-do list is completed.
It’s why we struggle to rest even when our body is tired.
It’s why we struggle to fall asleep at night even after a long day.
It’s why we struggle to sit in meditation when the mind has nothing to grasp except itself.
The restlessness continues to build up, up and up…and we experience this in the mind and body as a need to be doing something; we experience it in our body aches and muscle tension; in our cravings (both physical and emotional), and discontentment. You see, all of these things are simply distractions rippling in the ocean of your mind.
Restlessness is merely a distraction.
But it is also an invitation.
Because if there is restlessness, there is also restfulness.
If we learn to embrace the discomfort—rather than avoid or resist it—something magical happens…it slowly, softly, gently…loosens its grip. In this quiet surrender and gentle embrace we discover true restfulness.
However, in order to practice in a way that isn’t harmful—yes, you read that right—we cannot push through or strain our way through meditation. Fighting your mind is counterproductive. This only reinforces the energy and agitation of the mind.
Discipline, yes.
Commitment, yes.
But above all:
gentleness
curiosity
compassion
Without these things—gentleness, curiosity, compassion— your restlessness will remain restless. Your inner-tensions will remain tense. Your turbulence will remain turbulent. These are all manifestations of the same thing.
So the question isn’t: How do I get my mind to stop thinking?
The question is: What is my restlessness distracting me from?
Only you can answer this, dear one.
The answer is inside you.
So, with that said, let’s practice together:
Embracing Restlessness
A 5 Minute (or less) Meditation:
Hello restlessness, I see you, and I welcome you in to today’s practice however you show up. We will sit together and get to know each other.
Find a comfortable position.
Sway side to side, feeling the weight of your body shift left to right.
Then come to stillness.
Feel your sit bones on the surface beneath you.
Lengthen your spine. Grow tall, like a tree.
Notice the sturdiness of the ground below you.
Relax your forehead and jaw.
Release your neck and shoulders.
Let your arms fall heavy by your side.
Soften.
Bring your awareness to the sensations in your body.
Notice the temperature of the air on your skin or the material of your clothes.
Feel your breath coming into and out of your body.
Sense your own heartbeat—perhaps you can feel its pulse in your chest or finger tips.
Every heartbeat, a precious reminder that you are alive.
Rest here in the awareness of your internal landscape.
Inhale, exhale.
Choose one sensation to focus on in your body: your breath, the air on your skin, your heartbeat, your sit bones on the ground, etc.
This is your anchor.
Rest in silence here.
Notice.
Observe any restlessness.
Is there an inclination to scratch an itch?
Are there feelings of boredom, craving or emptiness, desire or discontentment?
Without a need to change or resist the movement of your mind, gently, curiously observe.
Welcome it all in.
Let it sit with you.
Embrace it with care.
Stay in the discomfort, the sensation, the inclination to change or fix anything for 1 breath, 2, maybe 3.
No forcing.
No need to fight your mind.
If you can remain in the restlessness for 10 seconds - that is all you need.
If you sense strain internally, that is your invitation to finish the practice.
Your mind and body have done what they need to do.
Take a moment to thank your restlessness for visiting you. Your restlessness is the path. With commitment and patience, this practice will lead to the serenity of your inner-being. Here you will discover a deep abiding restfulness within you.
One breath at a time.
When you’ve finished the practice take note of the ways that restlessness showed up in your practice. For me this usually shows up as: planning my day (or the next week), thinking of the 7 people I still need to respond to by text, suddenly realizing my head and elbow are itchy and I certainly can’t forget to write down bananas on my grocery list. God forbid I forget the bananas!
As you can see, these thoughts are quite automatic, but also not very important. They do not need to be acted upon or responded to immediately. And that is the practice. Learning the art of fully completing one thing before rushing off to the next thing is the essence of living in restfulness.
The practice is not fancy or glamourous. It is something far more profound than that. When we embrace our restlessness, we also embrace our fears, uncertainty, vulnerability, and sadness. And also? We embrace our wholeness, and discover the light and serenity and restfulness beneath it all.
Try starting each day with this practice. Return to it next time you feel unfocused, ungrounded, or in need of a reset.
May you embrace the restlessness.
May you embrace the uncertainty.
May you embrace the discomfort.
And may you find true rest in the serenity of your wholeness.